(News that’s fake, but credible)
Mexico’s president, Andrés Manuel López Obrador, announced today that his country now supports Trump’s border wall between the United States and his country. Furthermore, he indicated that Mexico is prepared to finance the project. “The sooner the better,” Obrador told our Ghost reporter. “I mean, when we signed on to this new revised NAFTA deal, we had no idea the U.S. number one export was going to be coronavirus.” The president went on to explain that building the wall was now a matter of national security-for Mexico. “The United States-it’s a backward country, one big polio pit. People are living in squalor and disease and we can’t have them bringing their cooties down here. Hey, we have to guard our borders you know.”
Mr. Obrador expressed frustration at the pace of the wall’s construction. “Three years, and we have just three miles of wall built by a bunch of volunteer amateurs-and it’s falling down into the river!” he said. “At this rate, that wall will still be under construction after the turn of the next century.” He went on to explain that Mexico is proposing not only to pay for the wall but take over its construction. “We want this to be Mexico’s wall made in Mexico by Mexican works. And we want it to work,” he added. “You know, not like all your president’s casinos and his university.” Mr. Obrador said that quality is absolutely a priority. “We need to get this done fast and we need it done right. We can’t entrust our national security to the slip shod workmanship Americans.”
Press secretary for president Trump, Kayleigh McEnany, praised the new arrangement and touted it as a victory for the administration. “The president promised that the wall would be built and Mexico would pay for it.” she said. “Another promise to the American people kept.” McEnany went on to criticize the media for depicting Trump’s response to the Covid-19 pandemic as a failure. “Without the spread of the virus, we wouldn’t have gotten the wall,” she told our reporter. “The president’s strategy of re-opening the country, withdrawing healthcare from millions and preventing large scale testing turned out to be a great success.”
No word yet on when Mexico is to ramp up construction on the border wall, but all indications are that Mr. Obrador is anxious to get the project under way as soon as possible. “The sooner we seal off our country from the unsanitary mess to our north, the safer our people will be.” The Ghost has recieved unconfirmed reports that Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau is petitioning the Trump administration for a border wall on his country as well.