Kierkegaard’s Ghost
(News that’s fake, but credible)
The Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) and the Republican National Committee (RNC) have conferred to produce a theme song for the Republican Primaries, calling for Republicans to unite behind the only declared Republican presidential candidate, Donald J. Trump. The tune for this new promotional anthem is that of the hymn, “Softly and Tenderly.” Said RNC chair, Rona McDaniel, “We know that a lot of Republicans are wavering in their support for Donald Trump. Some might be thinking of challenging him and we want to get out in front of that.” CPAC chairman, Matt Schlapp, told Ghost reporters, “We recognize that white evangelical support for Mr. Trump has been slipping and we want to reverse that trend asap.” He added, “We think a theme song with a good solid evangelical melody might be just what we need to turn the tide.” The full text of the song is as follows:
Loudly and vengefully Donald is Calling (Approved by CPAC and the RNC. Can be sung to the tune of “Softly and Tenderly”)
Loudly and vengefully Donald is calling,
Calling the whole G.O.P.
Spewing his venom on faith breaking RINOs
All who will not bend the knee.
Chorus: Come home, come home
Reprobate RINOS come home.
Loudly and vengefully Donald is calling
Reprobate RINOS come home.
Chorus
Traitorous Kingsinger with turncoat Cheney
Turned on their Donald with ‘crats.
They paid the price of blaspheming their savior.
Voters drowned both just like rats.
Chorus
Some men denied their dear Donald in weakness.
Lindsey and Kevin did waver.
Groveling and pleading in dark Mar a Logo
Brought them back into his favor .
Chorus
Why will you wait to return to your Donald?
You know that you must in the end.
His base is your ticket to staying in power
You must make that lynch mob your friend.
Chorus
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Peter's Outer Cape Portico 